Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
