smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
