Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
