I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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