if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
