i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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