he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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