Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
