carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
