It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
