so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
