I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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