3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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