took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
