She is in my trunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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