I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she peed on how many people?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
