You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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