Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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