How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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