I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
