You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
