Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
