I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
