she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
