so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
