Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did i just pee glitter
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
