How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
