I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
