tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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