That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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