apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
