The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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