i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
