I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
