Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
