i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
