His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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