He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
