he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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