We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
