Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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