I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
zippers are such a cool invention
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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