You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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