mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
