He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
