don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
