So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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