So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
