You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
