Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
