you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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