Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
