it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
